I know that Mothers Day is still months away. However, I am compelled to write about my Mom and mothers' in general. Hang in there, you will see why.
My mom was the stereotypical mother from the 70's. When she married my father, she was willing to move back to rural America, for the farm life my father had grown up with and was most familiar with. Not an easy task for a woman who was born in Chicago and moved to Denver. She was a big city gal with a big city mindset. However, she was willing to sacrifice her big city dreams for her man. If it was important to him, it was important to her. Later she admitted that she was intimidated by Dad's side of the family, they were farmers and that was an unknown to her (even though she graduated from a high school whose mascot was the "Farmers"). Unbeknownst to her, Dad's family was also intimidated by this educated, professional, city woman. Funny how our own insecurities are our own and that everyone is dealing with their own.
Mom and Dad had multiple miscarriages before I was born. I believe they had 3. Having been through this shock and disappointment once, I am not sure how you keep trying after three lost pregnancies. But they did, on their fourth try they had a daughter named Jennifer, but something was wrong. Her heart was not formed properly and she died 3 days after being born. Again, how do you continue to hold out hope for healthy children? Regardless, they did. A year or so later my twin sister and I were born. 2 weeks late. And very, very heavy. I was 9 lbs 2 oz and my sister was 9 lbs 6 oz. That is a grand total of 18 1/2 lbs (if you needed me to do the math). We were once an Iowa record for largest set of twins. Our pregnancy was not without problems. After getting pregnant, she was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm, and was told that she wouldn't survive child birth. They decided to go ahead with us, but again, I can not imagine the fear and trepidation that you would feel knowing that there was a chance she would die in childbirth.
Clearly she didn't. I wont bore you with my picture perfect childhood. Just know that my it shaped the rest of my life.
Growing up, I was always closer to my Mom than my Dad. I think that sons are closer to their mothers and daughters are closer to their fathers. There are exceptions, but it seems to hold true in my world. Dad was always the bread winner, always at work or at drill for the National Guard. We didn't do a lot of father/son activities, but I don't know that I missed it. I was raised with an extended family, both blood and "adopted". And they all took an active role in my raising and activities.
Back to Mom.
I don't think I truly appreciated my mom until my wife and I got pregnant. I became much more aware of a mothers role in a child's life. When our son was born, she was so excited both for us and for her. After 8 years of marriage, we were finally providing a grandchild for spoiling. Secretly, I couldn't wait for her to meet our little man.
She did not disappoint with her "over" loving of our son. Kisses, hugs and smiles were all abundant. She was like a kid at Christmas. Giddy would be the best description of her with HER grandson. As my new family grew to adopt the ways of my childhood family, I really began to understand what sacrifices each parent makes when raising children.
My wife quit her job at the bank after only 1 day back from maternity leave. I had tried to convince her to not go back, but she was independent and needed to decide for herself. As her maternity leave was coming to a close, she was starting to realize that she didn't want to hand her son over to a sitter while she went to work. She wanted to be there for every first he had. Not be told about them.
After a year, an opportunity arrived to move my family back to the area I grew up in. Why wouldn't I? Good job, good pay and near both my parents and hers. My mother was ecstatic, her grandson was going to be very close. We got the family back to Iowa in the fall of 2003 and things were good. We were renting a house for cheap, my job was awesome and Grandma's were happy.
A few months after getting back, we found out we were pregnant. We could not believe it, it had been so long that we were happy with our one son, but another child would be great. At our first trimester checkup, the doctor couldn't hear the heartbeat. We were devastated. It was such a terrible time for us, that I don't remember much about it. Not long after that, my maternal grandmother died. She had lived almost 84 tough years. At the end, she had dementia and Alzheimer's. She didn't remember my wife and had a hard time remembering who I was. It was OK to let her go for those reasons, but it was still a great loss for the family. We all mourned the loss of our grandmother, she was the family glue.
A little more than a month later, my wife was having some teeth pulled and I was on call. So my mom decided it would be a good idea to have my son for his first overnight stay. We were happy to have my parents watch him at such a young age.
That night, my dad called me. He told me that I needed to come get Nicholas. Something was wrong with mom and she was en route to the hospital. As it turned out, that aneurysm that she was diagnosed with 30 years earlier, had finally let go. My son, "helped" the EMT's push the gurney out of the house. That image has stuck with me since my father told me about it.
That was just over 7 years ago. In that time, I have been able to move this from daily thought, to weekly or monthly. But I will always think of my mom. Since she died, another grandson was born (making 4 total), my younger sister got married in Chicago and moved to Denver (sound familiar?), I am moving away from Iowa, etc... I guess everyone else's life doesn't stop, just because Mom's did.
What has happened has opened my eyes further to what Mom's do. They keep families together. My dad has remarried to a great woman, but it isn't the same. My son has only spent the night one time at Grandpa's and he will be 9 this spring. Family Christmas isn't the same. Big family Christmas is non-existent. Where I knew my cousins pretty well, I don't know my cousins kids very well and by default, my son doesn't know any cousins but my sisters boys. Without Grandma and Mom, our families have drifted apart. Not intentionally, but it has happened.
I have also noticed how my son views me and how he views his mom. It is a familiar dynamic. She is clearly the "go to" parent. She is the glue that holds our family together. While I am off in my new position in a new state, she has kept things going back home until our house sells and we can get the family moved to Oklahoma.
I would be remiss if I don't mention how much my mom meant to my wife. She misses her as much as I do. She learned how to be as a mother from my mom much more than she did her own.
We can't help but wonder how life would be different if my Mom were still alive. I guess we will never know.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
New Year brings changes
It has been a while since I have been on here. A lot has gone on in the last few months that I need to bring you up to speed on.
December was spent in Iowa. My boss told me to go home for the month, work from home and use up the last of my vacation at the end of the year. Sounds good in theory, but I wasn't really thrilled with the idea. Working from home is hard to do, to many distractions, to many other things to get done. My time at home up until this point was for visiting or taking care of small issues. I also knew it was going to be hard on my family. Sounds weird right? Being apart for so long created a vacuum where I should have been, my wife was a "single" mother and therefore responsible for all aspects of raising our son. Our parenting style is "good cop, bad cop" and I am the bad cop. She wasn't used to being the hard nosed bad cop parent, therefore our son got away with far more than he should have. When I got home, I was summarily ignored. Not surprising, but it is what it is. I started noticing the talk balk, the bad attitude and the raised voices. This was going to stop. So, bad cop was home and back in charge. My son really resented this for weeks. By the time the month was over, we were back to "normal". Just in time for me to leave again.
January came in with a blast of arctic cold. -30 to -40 wind chill that night. Good ol' Iowa, less than 2 days earlier, it was 60 deg. With that, I headed back to Tulsa. My thoughts were stuck on selling the house and getting the family back together under one roof. Still no bites on the house, but honestly, once Thanksgiving was near, I knew the house wouldn't garner any interest until after Christmas. At this point, I was pretty low, my thoughts, hopes and even optimistic ideals had been drawn down. I spent my birthday alone, as I wanted to use my trip home to celebrate the wife's birthday. That week, we had a showing on the house and it seemed to go well. But no offer. We then had a 2nd showing to the same couple, and started to get our hopes up, maybe we we might get a birthday present after all. By the time I headed home, we had gone through offer and counter offers and accepted a deal on the house. What a relief.
With the offer on the table, we have to turn over possession of the house by Feb. 18th. Short notice for sure. My wife an son will be moving into her mom's house while we look for a place in Oklahoma. I was out with our realtor last week and looked at about 10 houses. But really only liked 2 or 3. The good news is that Tulsa is full of short sales, foreclosures and a market full of homes for sale. We just have to wade through the houses and find the right one. My wife was supposed to come to Tulsa today to start house hunting, unless you have been living under a rock, you know that Tulsa is buried. At least 12" of snow fell yesterday on a city that shuts down at 4". No house hunting this week. She is supposed to come down next week, but not sure if the roads will be good enough by then.
Things are finally moving forward, but slowly. When I accepted this job back in July, I never thought that Febuary would come and I would not be with my family. It looks like it will be 2 or 3 more months before we are done and in a home here in Oklahoma. There is light, however faint, at the end of the tunnel.
December was spent in Iowa. My boss told me to go home for the month, work from home and use up the last of my vacation at the end of the year. Sounds good in theory, but I wasn't really thrilled with the idea. Working from home is hard to do, to many distractions, to many other things to get done. My time at home up until this point was for visiting or taking care of small issues. I also knew it was going to be hard on my family. Sounds weird right? Being apart for so long created a vacuum where I should have been, my wife was a "single" mother and therefore responsible for all aspects of raising our son. Our parenting style is "good cop, bad cop" and I am the bad cop. She wasn't used to being the hard nosed bad cop parent, therefore our son got away with far more than he should have. When I got home, I was summarily ignored. Not surprising, but it is what it is. I started noticing the talk balk, the bad attitude and the raised voices. This was going to stop. So, bad cop was home and back in charge. My son really resented this for weeks. By the time the month was over, we were back to "normal". Just in time for me to leave again.
January came in with a blast of arctic cold. -30 to -40 wind chill that night. Good ol' Iowa, less than 2 days earlier, it was 60 deg. With that, I headed back to Tulsa. My thoughts were stuck on selling the house and getting the family back together under one roof. Still no bites on the house, but honestly, once Thanksgiving was near, I knew the house wouldn't garner any interest until after Christmas. At this point, I was pretty low, my thoughts, hopes and even optimistic ideals had been drawn down. I spent my birthday alone, as I wanted to use my trip home to celebrate the wife's birthday. That week, we had a showing on the house and it seemed to go well. But no offer. We then had a 2nd showing to the same couple, and started to get our hopes up, maybe we we might get a birthday present after all. By the time I headed home, we had gone through offer and counter offers and accepted a deal on the house. What a relief.
With the offer on the table, we have to turn over possession of the house by Feb. 18th. Short notice for sure. My wife an son will be moving into her mom's house while we look for a place in Oklahoma. I was out with our realtor last week and looked at about 10 houses. But really only liked 2 or 3. The good news is that Tulsa is full of short sales, foreclosures and a market full of homes for sale. We just have to wade through the houses and find the right one. My wife was supposed to come to Tulsa today to start house hunting, unless you have been living under a rock, you know that Tulsa is buried. At least 12" of snow fell yesterday on a city that shuts down at 4". No house hunting this week. She is supposed to come down next week, but not sure if the roads will be good enough by then.
Things are finally moving forward, but slowly. When I accepted this job back in July, I never thought that Febuary would come and I would not be with my family. It looks like it will be 2 or 3 more months before we are done and in a home here in Oklahoma. There is light, however faint, at the end of the tunnel.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Recent Reads
My aunt always posts a monthly list of the books she is reading and thought that seemed like an OK idea for a posting, so here goes.
Recently, I have been reading more than normal. Normal for me may be a lot to some, but regardless, I have been chewing through books left and right. The list I am about to put down is over the last two months or so, but you get the picture.
On a recent trip to the the great NW, my manager was telling me about a book he was currently reading. It was a biography on Pat Tillman, the former NFL linebacker turned Army Ranger, written by Jon Krakauer. I had never read any of Jon's books before, but based on the glowing (albeit only half read) review, I decided to pick up the book titled Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman. Having not read Jon Krakauer books before, I was unfamiliar with his style, so it took awhile to get into his formatting. However, the book was the type that I didn't want to put down. Basically, it chronicled the life of Pat from a child through his decision to join the Army after Sept. 11th and onto Afghanistan where he ultimately was killed in action. Great book, but I will say that it left me somewhat disillusioned with the Rangers, the US Army and our government.
Starting with the last book, my manager also gave me the Krakauer library to read. From this, I dove into Into Thin Air, the story of Jon's climb up Mt. Everest in 1996 and the disaster that happened behind him on his descent from the summit. Very good, but short, read on what it takes to summit Mt. Everest. After reading this, I view others that feel compelled to climb Mt. Everest as somewhat crazy.
I also read Under the Banner of Heaven which scrutinizes the Mormons and their may offshoots. Specifically, Jon brings to light some of the subjects that the Latter Day Saints would like to forget, like polygamy. Again, a well written book, covering the religion from the early days of Joseph Smith to more recent subjects of Elizabeth Smart. I also found myself catching a few episodes of Sister Wives that happened to be airing while reading this book. The show was timely, as sister wives is a term for a polygamist families and the multiple wives. I found this lifestyle to be very difficult to understand, as trying to take care of one family can be tough, but 4 wives and a few dozen kids would be overwhelming.
The last book that I have finished was Blood Brothers: Among the Soldiers of Ward 57 by Michael Weisskopf. While on assignment in Iraq to write the story for Time magazines Person of the Year- The American Soldier (2003), Michael found himself in the unlikely position of hero. While riding in the back of a Humvee on a night patrol, he heard a thud and looked down to see a grenade laying two feet away. On pure instinct, he reached down, picked it up and attempted to throw the grenade out of the truck. He stopped writing the story and became the story. Due to the heroic nature of his actions, he was admitted to Ward 57 of Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Ward 57 is the amputee ward. Michael had lost his right hand to the grenade. The book chronicles his wound, his medical care and the phychological state of amputees. He covers the stories of many young men that lost arms and legs in Iraq and Afghanistan and their trials, tribulations and sucess. At times this book was deeply painful to read. Surguries, pain, abandonment, questioning, all things that our finest went through after losing an appendage. Great behind the scenes look at the care our men and women are getting.
Recently, I have been reading more than normal. Normal for me may be a lot to some, but regardless, I have been chewing through books left and right. The list I am about to put down is over the last two months or so, but you get the picture.
On a recent trip to the the great NW, my manager was telling me about a book he was currently reading. It was a biography on Pat Tillman, the former NFL linebacker turned Army Ranger, written by Jon Krakauer. I had never read any of Jon's books before, but based on the glowing (albeit only half read) review, I decided to pick up the book titled Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman. Having not read Jon Krakauer books before, I was unfamiliar with his style, so it took awhile to get into his formatting. However, the book was the type that I didn't want to put down. Basically, it chronicled the life of Pat from a child through his decision to join the Army after Sept. 11th and onto Afghanistan where he ultimately was killed in action. Great book, but I will say that it left me somewhat disillusioned with the Rangers, the US Army and our government. 
Starting with the last book, my manager also gave me the Krakauer library to read. From this, I dove into Into Thin Air, the story of Jon's climb up Mt. Everest in 1996 and the disaster that happened behind him on his descent from the summit. Very good, but short, read on what it takes to summit Mt. Everest. After reading this, I view others that feel compelled to climb Mt. Everest as somewhat crazy. 
Additionally I read Into the Wild, the story of Christopher McCandless and his long, solitary trip from his well to do family in Virginia to starving to death in an old bus in Denali National Park, Alaska.
I also read Under the Banner of Heaven which scrutinizes the Mormons and their may offshoots. Specifically, Jon brings to light some of the subjects that the Latter Day Saints would like to forget, like polygamy. Again, a well written book, covering the religion from the early days of Joseph Smith to more recent subjects of Elizabeth Smart. I also found myself catching a few episodes of Sister Wives that happened to be airing while reading this book. The show was timely, as sister wives is a term for a polygamist families and the multiple wives. I found this lifestyle to be very difficult to understand, as trying to take care of one family can be tough, but 4 wives and a few dozen kids would be overwhelming. 
The last book that I have finished was Blood Brothers: Among the Soldiers of Ward 57 by Michael Weisskopf. While on assignment in Iraq to write the story for Time magazines Person of the Year- The American Soldier (2003), Michael found himself in the unlikely position of hero. While riding in the back of a Humvee on a night patrol, he heard a thud and looked down to see a grenade laying two feet away. On pure instinct, he reached down, picked it up and attempted to throw the grenade out of the truck. He stopped writing the story and became the story. Due to the heroic nature of his actions, he was admitted to Ward 57 of Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Ward 57 is the amputee ward. Michael had lost his right hand to the grenade. The book chronicles his wound, his medical care and the phychological state of amputees. He covers the stories of many young men that lost arms and legs in Iraq and Afghanistan and their trials, tribulations and sucess. At times this book was deeply painful to read. Surguries, pain, abandonment, questioning, all things that our finest went through after losing an appendage. Great behind the scenes look at the care our men and women are getting. There are more, but I will stop for now. Hope you enjoyed seeing my recent reads.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Veterans Day 2010
OK, so I am a little late in posting this. Now that I have covered that, onto the topic at hand.
Very few holidays are emotionally charged for me anymore. I don't get giddy at Christmastime. Labor Day is not exciting. 4th of July can be fun, but as I get older, I worry about an errant bottle rocket or artillery shell setting my roof on fire. Thanksgiving is OK, I love to cook and put on a big production for family, but I don't know that I am emotionally attached to it.
With that said, I have two holidays that are emotional days for me. Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Since Memorial Day is in the past, I will save that blog topic for next year. Today I will talk about my feelings when it comes to Veterans Day.
If you have read any of my postings, you will see that I served in the Army and the National Guard for a period that spanned 8 years. So by that fact alone I am a Veteran. I fit that definition of the word. But I never considered myself a Veteran. To me, the definition of a Veteran was the person that left the US, went off to some foreign country and put their life on the line. That was not me. I never left the US nor was I was ever in a life threatening situation. Over the years, I had been in situations where someone would ask if there was any Veterans in the room. I rarely ever raised my hand. Not out of shame, but by my own personal definition, I did not qualify to raise my hand.
This year Veterans Day kind of snuck up on me. I know, I only had to look at a calendar to avoid the sneak attack, but I didn't. The day before, I decided that I wanted to put a post on facebook about veterans day. But I wanted my post to be poignant. I came up with a lot of ideas, saw a lot of copy and paste posts that others put up about how they served and why you should thank a vet. They were OK, but they just didn't have the message I was looking for. By 9 am on Veterans Day, I was still struggling to come up with a post that said what I wanted it to say. Then it struck me, just say thank you. Say thank you to those you served with, to those that served before me and those that came after me. So I did. I thanked all my facebook friends that had been in the military, by name. Here is that post:
Thank you- Al, Ann, Bud, Chris, Dan, Del, Derek, Eddie, Eric, Frank, Glenn, Greg, Holly, Jarred, Jason, Jerry, Justin, Kelly, Kyle, Lance, Lisa, Lorraine, Marc, Matt, Mike, Nick, Paula, Roy, Sampson, Skip, Steve, Tammy, Tom, Tracie, Veronica and Wendy. It is an honor to know so many Veterans. A bigger thank you to all have served in combat, you all are my heroes.
The response I got from this was just awesome. 19 people "liked" my post and 7 commented on it. (All 7 commenter's were in this list of names.) How cool is that! I was amazed at the response, and also very proud. I had accomplished what I set out to do. I thanked my friends. My Veteran friends.
As the day wore on, I kept thinking about the definition of a Veteran and how I had come to terms with the word about a year earlier. I know it sounds strange to come to terms with a word, but that is what happened. So I decided to post again. This time it wasn't going to fit into a status update, I needed a bigger medium so I used facebook notes (like a blog page on facebook). Here is that post in its entirety:
I feel compelled to write about my thoughts on Veteran's Day, but it won't fit in a status update.
Veteran's Day-
Over the years I have struggled with the definition of a Veteran. I have always been of the mindset that a Veteran is someone who goes off to a combat zone in a foreign country and puts his or her life on the line. I do not fit that personal definition of the word Veteran. During a long discussion I had with my Uncle Bud (Vietnam Vet) and my Cousin Ian (VA Psychologist), they provided me with a different point of view that provided me with some clarity on the proper definition. I don't know how receptive I would have been if Bud wasn't a combat vet and Ian had not been in his profession. So I thank them for helping me come to terms with the word.
Since then, I have been able to distinguish the differences and come to terms with my "status". This is not to say that I am not proud of my time in the Army and the National Guard. I am. I worked with great people, learned a lot and will maintain memories of those days forever. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of someone or something that took place at Basic, AIT or Ft. Hood. The friends from those days are my friends for life. The lessons that I learned as a young soldier still help me today. I am better for it. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything.
Today I have quietly watched as my friends from the Army have changed their profile pics to a Class A photo or BDU pic from a time that has gone by all to quickly. I see us thanking each other for our past or present service to our country and watch as we post our humble responses, if any at all. I see pride in what we all did individually and collectively regardless of the decade. While I think it is great to see all the posts from people reminding us about Veteran's Day, I only feel compelled to read, comment or "like" my friends posts that have been in uniform.
My Facebook status today was for my friends. For the ones that did something that bigger than themselves. I am tremendously proud of each of you.
Too my friends and family that are Combat Veterans, I can only say thank you and know that you are held in high regard. You are my heroes.
At the end of the day, I will probably hesitate to raise my hand in a room when asked if there are Veterans in the crowd, but I am a Veteran. And proud of it.
There it is, my feelings about Veterans Day in a nutshell. I got a lot off of my mind by writing this but I also got choked up reading my own words. I got some great responses from friends, like these:
Chris Baird <applause>
Frank Garza You put this into perspective for all of us Andrew!! Thanks!
But my favorite and the most powerful statement came from my great friend and co-worker Tammy:
Tammy Heilman Regardless of any deployment status, you were there, you wore the uniform, and had already pledged an oath to sacrifice your life in order to preserve the American way. I have no doubt what-so-ever that had you been called upon during your years of service, you would have not hesitated to perform your duties. You're willingness to do so is what makes you a veteran. Never sell yourself short. Thank you for serving.
She called me to the carpet on this one. And I will always remember her response to my posting. She's right, I would have. I just never thought of it that way.
So as my emotionally charged day was ending (some of these comments made me tear up), I had one more statement to make:
My last but biggest thanks of the day go to my Dad. He served almost 40 yrs in the Guard & @ 70 yrs old, he still leads the 21 gun salute @ local ceremonies.
Due to an issue with my phone, I could not post as much as I wanted to, so I had to comment on my own posting to finish my thoughts:
My father is the embodiment of a soldier. Helping, training, working hard and doing it all with a smile on his face. He has an immense love for our country and has done more than his share. Today, he still fits his Class A's, still barks out the firing squad orders and still commands my respect and admiration. Thanks Dad.
(I still try to well up when I read this)
What amazed me was the response to this. 26 people read and "liked" this post. It is not quite clear to me why they liked it. Did they like what I had posted? Or did they "like" my dad for his service and sacrifice to our country? I will choose the latter.
Very few holidays are emotionally charged for me anymore. I don't get giddy at Christmastime. Labor Day is not exciting. 4th of July can be fun, but as I get older, I worry about an errant bottle rocket or artillery shell setting my roof on fire. Thanksgiving is OK, I love to cook and put on a big production for family, but I don't know that I am emotionally attached to it.
With that said, I have two holidays that are emotional days for me. Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Since Memorial Day is in the past, I will save that blog topic for next year. Today I will talk about my feelings when it comes to Veterans Day.
If you have read any of my postings, you will see that I served in the Army and the National Guard for a period that spanned 8 years. So by that fact alone I am a Veteran. I fit that definition of the word. But I never considered myself a Veteran. To me, the definition of a Veteran was the person that left the US, went off to some foreign country and put their life on the line. That was not me. I never left the US nor was I was ever in a life threatening situation. Over the years, I had been in situations where someone would ask if there was any Veterans in the room. I rarely ever raised my hand. Not out of shame, but by my own personal definition, I did not qualify to raise my hand.
This year Veterans Day kind of snuck up on me. I know, I only had to look at a calendar to avoid the sneak attack, but I didn't. The day before, I decided that I wanted to put a post on facebook about veterans day. But I wanted my post to be poignant. I came up with a lot of ideas, saw a lot of copy and paste posts that others put up about how they served and why you should thank a vet. They were OK, but they just didn't have the message I was looking for. By 9 am on Veterans Day, I was still struggling to come up with a post that said what I wanted it to say. Then it struck me, just say thank you. Say thank you to those you served with, to those that served before me and those that came after me. So I did. I thanked all my facebook friends that had been in the military, by name. Here is that post:
Thank you- Al, Ann, Bud, Chris, Dan, Del, Derek, Eddie, Eric, Frank, Glenn, Greg, Holly, Jarred, Jason, Jerry, Justin, Kelly, Kyle, Lance, Lisa, Lorraine, Marc, Matt, Mike, Nick, Paula, Roy, Sampson, Skip, Steve, Tammy, Tom, Tracie, Veronica and Wendy. It is an honor to know so many Veterans. A bigger thank you to all have served in combat, you all are my heroes.
The response I got from this was just awesome. 19 people "liked" my post and 7 commented on it. (All 7 commenter's were in this list of names.) How cool is that! I was amazed at the response, and also very proud. I had accomplished what I set out to do. I thanked my friends. My Veteran friends.
As the day wore on, I kept thinking about the definition of a Veteran and how I had come to terms with the word about a year earlier. I know it sounds strange to come to terms with a word, but that is what happened. So I decided to post again. This time it wasn't going to fit into a status update, I needed a bigger medium so I used facebook notes (like a blog page on facebook). Here is that post in its entirety:
Veteran's Day 2010
I feel compelled to write about my thoughts on Veteran's Day, but it won't fit in a status update.
Veteran's Day-
Over the years I have struggled with the definition of a Veteran. I have always been of the mindset that a Veteran is someone who goes off to a combat zone in a foreign country and puts his or her life on the line. I do not fit that personal definition of the word Veteran. During a long discussion I had with my Uncle Bud (Vietnam Vet) and my Cousin Ian (VA Psychologist), they provided me with a different point of view that provided me with some clarity on the proper definition. I don't know how receptive I would have been if Bud wasn't a combat vet and Ian had not been in his profession. So I thank them for helping me come to terms with the word.
Since then, I have been able to distinguish the differences and come to terms with my "status". This is not to say that I am not proud of my time in the Army and the National Guard. I am. I worked with great people, learned a lot and will maintain memories of those days forever. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of someone or something that took place at Basic, AIT or Ft. Hood. The friends from those days are my friends for life. The lessons that I learned as a young soldier still help me today. I am better for it. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything.
Today I have quietly watched as my friends from the Army have changed their profile pics to a Class A photo or BDU pic from a time that has gone by all to quickly. I see us thanking each other for our past or present service to our country and watch as we post our humble responses, if any at all. I see pride in what we all did individually and collectively regardless of the decade. While I think it is great to see all the posts from people reminding us about Veteran's Day, I only feel compelled to read, comment or "like" my friends posts that have been in uniform.
My Facebook status today was for my friends. For the ones that did something that bigger than themselves. I am tremendously proud of each of you.
Too my friends and family that are Combat Veterans, I can only say thank you and know that you are held in high regard. You are my heroes.
At the end of the day, I will probably hesitate to raise my hand in a room when asked if there are Veterans in the crowd, but I am a Veteran. And proud of it.
There it is, my feelings about Veterans Day in a nutshell. I got a lot off of my mind by writing this but I also got choked up reading my own words. I got some great responses from friends, like these:
Chris Baird <applause>
Frank Garza You put this into perspective for all of us Andrew!! Thanks!
But my favorite and the most powerful statement came from my great friend and co-worker Tammy:
Tammy Heilman Regardless of any deployment status, you were there, you wore the uniform, and had already pledged an oath to sacrifice your life in order to preserve the American way. I have no doubt what-so-ever that had you been called upon during your years of service, you would have not hesitated to perform your duties. You're willingness to do so is what makes you a veteran. Never sell yourself short. Thank you for serving.
She called me to the carpet on this one. And I will always remember her response to my posting. She's right, I would have. I just never thought of it that way.
So as my emotionally charged day was ending (some of these comments made me tear up), I had one more statement to make:
My last but biggest thanks of the day go to my Dad. He served almost 40 yrs in the Guard & @ 70 yrs old, he still leads the 21 gun salute @ local ceremonies.
Due to an issue with my phone, I could not post as much as I wanted to, so I had to comment on my own posting to finish my thoughts:
My father is the embodiment of a soldier. Helping, training, working hard and doing it all with a smile on his face. He has an immense love for our country and has done more than his share. Today, he still fits his Class A's, still barks out the firing squad orders and still commands my respect and admiration. Thanks Dad.
(I still try to well up when I read this)
What amazed me was the response to this. 26 people read and "liked" this post. It is not quite clear to me why they liked it. Did they like what I had posted? Or did they "like" my dad for his service and sacrifice to our country? I will choose the latter.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Well that sucked!
Yesterday was a tough day for me. My work day went OK, but a single phone call late in the day caused me to "crash". I guess I didn't realize that my emotional state was quite so fragile.
All of this being said, I can deal with this. But to quote Paul Harvey, "now for the rest of the story".
Combo the first price reduction with a lack of interest in the house and then add another planned price reduction in 2 weeks. This new reduction will take the price down by another $5k. So now I am going to sell my house for $10k less than I paid for it 4 years ago. OUCH! (So if you are reading this and are interested in buying my house, please send me a message, I will work with you on the price before 2 more weeks are up.) Absolute failure on my part, my new career was already a drop in pay (slightly) but now I have no free capital to use for a down payment on a new house, so our dreams of a newer place with a great neighborhood and nice kitchen just went POOF! Dreams can be for suckers anyway (I don't really believe that).
So the last and maybe most painful part is that my company paid apartment time is running out. I have to move out in less than a month and me renting an apartment will dig further into the bank accounts. In fact, my calculations have things looking like this- apartment + food = not coming home to visit my family. My math us as follows, $150 per round trip from Tulsa to home, x 4 if I drive home every weekend, = $600 a month. An apartment will run me at least $600 and that doesn't count food. So we are in the hole even further.
So there it is. My sob story. I think what bothers me at the core is that I was optimistic, even to an uncharacteristic level and I think I used that optimism to sell my wife and son on this transition. Even though I had the best of intentions, I still feel like I failed them. For that, I am sorry.
As you may have read, I am in a new position in a new town. We are trying to get the family to Tulsa, but I won't move them until our house sells back home. Our house has been on the market for about 2 months now and we have had 4 showings, but no interest beyond the 1st visit, although everyone thought it showed well.
The call that killed my day was regarding the house and my living situation. The house was initially listed for $900 more than we paid for it. But yesterday the decision was made to lower the price by $5k. I know this should help sell the house faster, but I am not getting that "feeling", so you can have my house for almost a full 5% below what I paid for it and that doesn't include the upgrades. $3000 in new windows 2 years ago, a new bathroom and a fully redone porch. Not to mention (although I guess I am) all the painting and wallpaper removal that we have done.
This price reduction should make me feel better, but it doesn't. I worked hard to make that house better. For what? To sell if for less than I have in my mortgage and not to count all the hours and improvements we made. It feels (and is) a failure on my part. This move is now digging into my bank accounts.
All of this being said, I can deal with this. But to quote Paul Harvey, "now for the rest of the story".
Combo the first price reduction with a lack of interest in the house and then add another planned price reduction in 2 weeks. This new reduction will take the price down by another $5k. So now I am going to sell my house for $10k less than I paid for it 4 years ago. OUCH! (So if you are reading this and are interested in buying my house, please send me a message, I will work with you on the price before 2 more weeks are up.) Absolute failure on my part, my new career was already a drop in pay (slightly) but now I have no free capital to use for a down payment on a new house, so our dreams of a newer place with a great neighborhood and nice kitchen just went POOF! Dreams can be for suckers anyway (I don't really believe that).
So the last and maybe most painful part is that my company paid apartment time is running out. I have to move out in less than a month and me renting an apartment will dig further into the bank accounts. In fact, my calculations have things looking like this- apartment + food = not coming home to visit my family. My math us as follows, $150 per round trip from Tulsa to home, x 4 if I drive home every weekend, = $600 a month. An apartment will run me at least $600 and that doesn't count food. So we are in the hole even further.
So there it is. My sob story. I think what bothers me at the core is that I was optimistic, even to an uncharacteristic level and I think I used that optimism to sell my wife and son on this transition. Even though I had the best of intentions, I still feel like I failed them. For that, I am sorry.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Bicycling
Bicycling is my favorite hobby, sport, interest or whatever you want to call it. I love it, my bike is my freedom, my workout and a way to hang out with friends.
I rode the tires off of my dirt bike. Literally.
As a teenager, I still liked biking, but I needed more. 9 more gears to be exact. I wanted, No, I needed a 10 speed.
I had ridden 10 speed bikes before, but I finally bought my first 10 speed bike at a local garage sale. Man, I was in heaven but my accident rate increased. It took a lot of practice to get used to the two shifters and two hand brakes. Plus I had to get used to not having a coaster brake (pushing the pedals backwards to stop). With all the gears, I started riding in bike-a-thons and hospital charity rides. Again, I wanted more and I found it in another garage sale. This time in Denver, CO. I found a Fuji SJ10 in a garage sale. I begged my parents to let me get this. I had the money ($60) but we had to haul it back to Iowa, so I needed permission. Permission granted. As I look back on this trip, I spent my time riding from my Grandpa's house in Wheatridge across Wadsworth to the local park that had a bike path. Now, if you are familiar with Denver, you know about Wadsworth. It is a major thoroughfare through the city. I was 12 and riding in Denver by myself. Freedom.
A few years later, I was still riding that Fuji when I got the opportunity to ride along the Mississippi river. We were members of the Methodist church in Villisca and there was a summer camp that was 5 days of bike riding in eastern Iowa. The route roughly following the Mississippi river. Days were spent on the bike, nights were spent in church basements along the way, food was provided by the local congregations. More freedom.
I started riding bikes when I was 4 or 5, and I am not even sure I had training wheels. Everyday I would get up in the morning and go outside to ride. I would ride circles in the driveway and around the house as I got better, I would ride down to the barnyard. About that time was when Evil Kenevil was big and everyone wanted to be Evil. So, being the ever brave 7 or 8 yr old, we did what we could to be our own version of Evil. Boards and bricks was all it took to get over our version of Snake River Canyon. That and a ratty old broken up sidewalk as your runway. Granted our distances were far less and the risk wasn't quite up to Evils standard, but a couple of feet of air at 7 or 8 years old became a hundred when we told the story.
I was allowed to ride my bike to my friend Donny's house. It was almost two miles exactly. With two STEEP hills on the way. The road was gravel. We were on dirt bikes, with no gears, no helmets no pads. Were our parents cracked? Or did they just want us out of the house that bad? Doesn't matter. It was clear, my bike was my ticket to freedom.
As a teenager, I still liked biking, but I needed more. 9 more gears to be exact. I wanted, No, I needed a 10 speed.
I had ridden 10 speed bikes before, but I finally bought my first 10 speed bike at a local garage sale. Man, I was in heaven but my accident rate increased. It took a lot of practice to get used to the two shifters and two hand brakes. Plus I had to get used to not having a coaster brake (pushing the pedals backwards to stop). With all the gears, I started riding in bike-a-thons and hospital charity rides. Again, I wanted more and I found it in another garage sale. This time in Denver, CO. I found a Fuji SJ10 in a garage sale. I begged my parents to let me get this. I had the money ($60) but we had to haul it back to Iowa, so I needed permission. Permission granted. As I look back on this trip, I spent my time riding from my Grandpa's house in Wheatridge across Wadsworth to the local park that had a bike path. Now, if you are familiar with Denver, you know about Wadsworth. It is a major thoroughfare through the city. I was 12 and riding in Denver by myself. Freedom.
A few years later, I was still riding that Fuji when I got the opportunity to ride along the Mississippi river. We were members of the Methodist church in Villisca and there was a summer camp that was 5 days of bike riding in eastern Iowa. The route roughly following the Mississippi river. Days were spent on the bike, nights were spent in church basements along the way, food was provided by the local congregations. More freedom.
As I continued through high school, I still loved bicycles. My attention even turned to the Tour de France. In the late 80's a young American named Greg LeMond was making a name for himself and for USA cycling in general. He was winning. No American had ever won the TdF before him, in fact the first American team to be invited didn't happen until 1984. I was so enamoured by the idea of professional cycling that I even took french in school. That didn't go as well as I had hoped. Apparently, I did not grasp the concept of foreign language as much as I had hoped. So much for riding in France (it never occurred to me that most professional riders were 50 lbs lighter and 5 inches shorter than me).
At one point, I was considering buying a "nice" bike. I don't remember the brand but I remember that it was going to cost me over $1000. A family member thought that it was impractical and that I was just dreaming. A car was a much better investment for me, as they said. I couldn't argue the practicality of a car over a bike and I bought my first car for $1100. It was about then that I started to lose my desire to ride. A car, a job, high school sports and a girlfriend all took my time. My bike got pushed to the back of the garage and was left there.
Flash forward 15 years or so.
I got back into cycling very slowly. I bought a mountain bike that I rode occasionally but never off road. Then a few years ago, a guy at work wanted to go mountain biking. Apparently there was a trail near our office. Why not. About 4 of us went that first time. I was hooked (for the 2nd time). From there, I started looking, dreaming and scheming of ways to get new bike stuff. Pedals, shoes, shorts, then onto newer better bikes. It can be an endless trail when you pursue the latest and greatest "thing". I started thinking about what I wanted to ride and how I ride and bought smart. I now have 2 great bikes, a Salsa El Mariachi mountain bike and a Jamis Quest road bike. Both frames are made of steel (not very common today) and have great components on them.
Now I ride 2, 3 sometimes 4 times a week. Especially now that I don't have family with me. I can come home from work and go for a ride without worrying about family responsibilities. Although I am riding more, it is at the cost of not having my family with me. It seems like nothing to go out after work and ride 15, 20 or 25 miles on the trail system here in Tulsa.
One other thing I forgot to mention about cycling. It's therapeutic. I don't think about work, I don't worry about my family, it's just me and my bike. It is my time. It's freedom from my responsibilities, if only for a short while.
If you haven't ridden a bike in a while, go out and try it. I bet you'd be surprised at how big the grin on your face is and what memories will pop into your head as you turn the pedals....
One other thing I forgot to mention about cycling. It's therapeutic. I don't think about work, I don't worry about my family, it's just me and my bike. It is my time. It's freedom from my responsibilities, if only for a short while.
If you haven't ridden a bike in a while, go out and try it. I bet you'd be surprised at how big the grin on your face is and what memories will pop into your head as you turn the pedals....
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Great Day
It's not often that I have a great day, but today was one of them.
Today we had was is called a quarterly review. Basically we go over a lot of statistical information. Dollars spent, dollars earned, performance of our network etc... etc... Excel spreadsheets and Power Point presentations are not what made today great.
Each of these reviews have guests coming in from our corporate headquarters in Chicago. Our CTO, National Network Operations VP, Sr. Directors of many departments all come in for a day or so for this review. These guests are part of what made today great. As I walked into the conference room, various directors congratulated me on my new role in the company, some of them coming to me to offer me their congratulations. That feels good to have these V.I.P.'s recognize me and know about the changes in my position. This company feels like extended family.
I was asked to speak to the group today, something I have not done much of. There was about 50+ people in attendance, so there was a little pressure. Basically, I was asked to tell my story about visiting a restaurant in Baxter Springs, KS. I am a fan of the Food Network show Diners, Drive In's & Dives with Guy Fieri. Living near Omaha allowed me to visit at least 3 of the spots that the show highlighted and I loved everyone of them. As I was preparing for a drive back to Iowa, I decided to look for DDD restaurants on my way home. I found one in Baxter Springs, KS called "Cafe on the Route", the route being the famous Route 66. I was stoked, Baxter Springs was on the highway I take home. So, I stopped. The food was awesome, the desert was even better. If you watch the linked video, you will see Amy, the chef/owners wife. I met her and had a great conversation. We talked a little about Kansas City, where she and her husband had moved from. She was telling me about her problems with Sprint and I mentioned that I used to work for them. Her only question to me was "Did you like working there?". Wow! I was stunned, I had never be asked that by a stranger. I said that I liked it at first, but it was early in my career and I didn't know any better.
I went on to explain that I worked for the complete opposite of Sprint now. She asked the logical question, which was "Where do you work?" I responded US Cellular. "We love US Cellular!" was her response. I couldn't help but smile. She gushed a little more about us and I couldn't help but to think that she was what we want as a company. She wasn't a customer, she was an advocate. Which is what our newest CEO is looking for, not satisfied customers, but customers that are our advocates. I dug through my wallet looking for a card that we can hand out to customers that give them 150 minutes of use per phone. I found one and handed it to her. She read it, questioned me on it and then thanked me. She said it was the nicest thing a customer had done for her (I sure hope not) and that it was very generous of me. I told her that I was only the messenger, that it was a thank you from our company for being our customer.
That was the story I got to share to my co-workers and our corporate guests. My story was well received, the Vice President even turned around, after I sat down, and mouthed "Good Job". Nice, the day was already cast as a great day for me. I could have gone home and it was only 10:15 AM. As the day went on, many congratulated me on my story, asked me questions about that experience and overall made it feel like I had an impact.
I had many conversations today, some with peers, co-workers, managers, etc... I also had a lot of conversations with Directors of many departments in and out of the region and from the corporate office. What I realized later is how many of them remembered me from years ago, from brief contact with them in very different situations. That feels great.
So the day is almost done, it has been fantastic. It turns out that it isn't over yet.
After getting back to the apartment tonight, I got a call from a young former Marine that I had been helping with his post military career. Back in January, I sat down with him to discuss his experience in the Marine Corps, what he was doing for employment, review his resume and basically gave him some ideas on how to improve himself to gain a career in the wireless industry. Living in a small town it was going to be hard to get that job in the industry without having to move to a larger city. I spelled out some hard decisions for him and he took my advice, moved to Missouri to take a job with a wireless internet provider. He was separated from his wife, but started to learn the business of being a wireless technician. Flash forward about 4 months and my old position will be opened. I got him internally refered to US Cellular, he passed the phone interview and then made it to the face to face interview. I helped him prepare for our interview process. It is called a "behavioral interview", it has less to do with your resume and more to do with how you handle yourself in a given situation. Open ended questions designed to get a feel for the candidate. The interview was last Friday and tonight he got the call. The job offer. Sweet! I am so excited for him and his wife.
So in recap. I talked with senior leaders of my company. I shared my customer experience story with the region. I helped a young Marine gain a new career.
I feel like today was a good day.
Today we had was is called a quarterly review. Basically we go over a lot of statistical information. Dollars spent, dollars earned, performance of our network etc... etc... Excel spreadsheets and Power Point presentations are not what made today great.
Each of these reviews have guests coming in from our corporate headquarters in Chicago. Our CTO, National Network Operations VP, Sr. Directors of many departments all come in for a day or so for this review. These guests are part of what made today great. As I walked into the conference room, various directors congratulated me on my new role in the company, some of them coming to me to offer me their congratulations. That feels good to have these V.I.P.'s recognize me and know about the changes in my position. This company feels like extended family.
I was asked to speak to the group today, something I have not done much of. There was about 50+ people in attendance, so there was a little pressure. Basically, I was asked to tell my story about visiting a restaurant in Baxter Springs, KS. I am a fan of the Food Network show Diners, Drive In's & Dives with Guy Fieri. Living near Omaha allowed me to visit at least 3 of the spots that the show highlighted and I loved everyone of them. As I was preparing for a drive back to Iowa, I decided to look for DDD restaurants on my way home. I found one in Baxter Springs, KS called "Cafe on the Route", the route being the famous Route 66. I was stoked, Baxter Springs was on the highway I take home. So, I stopped. The food was awesome, the desert was even better. If you watch the linked video, you will see Amy, the chef/owners wife. I met her and had a great conversation. We talked a little about Kansas City, where she and her husband had moved from. She was telling me about her problems with Sprint and I mentioned that I used to work for them. Her only question to me was "Did you like working there?". Wow! I was stunned, I had never be asked that by a stranger. I said that I liked it at first, but it was early in my career and I didn't know any better.
I went on to explain that I worked for the complete opposite of Sprint now. She asked the logical question, which was "Where do you work?" I responded US Cellular. "We love US Cellular!" was her response. I couldn't help but smile. She gushed a little more about us and I couldn't help but to think that she was what we want as a company. She wasn't a customer, she was an advocate. Which is what our newest CEO is looking for, not satisfied customers, but customers that are our advocates. I dug through my wallet looking for a card that we can hand out to customers that give them 150 minutes of use per phone. I found one and handed it to her. She read it, questioned me on it and then thanked me. She said it was the nicest thing a customer had done for her (I sure hope not) and that it was very generous of me. I told her that I was only the messenger, that it was a thank you from our company for being our customer.
That was the story I got to share to my co-workers and our corporate guests. My story was well received, the Vice President even turned around, after I sat down, and mouthed "Good Job". Nice, the day was already cast as a great day for me. I could have gone home and it was only 10:15 AM. As the day went on, many congratulated me on my story, asked me questions about that experience and overall made it feel like I had an impact.
I had many conversations today, some with peers, co-workers, managers, etc... I also had a lot of conversations with Directors of many departments in and out of the region and from the corporate office. What I realized later is how many of them remembered me from years ago, from brief contact with them in very different situations. That feels great.
So the day is almost done, it has been fantastic. It turns out that it isn't over yet.
After getting back to the apartment tonight, I got a call from a young former Marine that I had been helping with his post military career. Back in January, I sat down with him to discuss his experience in the Marine Corps, what he was doing for employment, review his resume and basically gave him some ideas on how to improve himself to gain a career in the wireless industry. Living in a small town it was going to be hard to get that job in the industry without having to move to a larger city. I spelled out some hard decisions for him and he took my advice, moved to Missouri to take a job with a wireless internet provider. He was separated from his wife, but started to learn the business of being a wireless technician. Flash forward about 4 months and my old position will be opened. I got him internally refered to US Cellular, he passed the phone interview and then made it to the face to face interview. I helped him prepare for our interview process. It is called a "behavioral interview", it has less to do with your resume and more to do with how you handle yourself in a given situation. Open ended questions designed to get a feel for the candidate. The interview was last Friday and tonight he got the call. The job offer. Sweet! I am so excited for him and his wife.
So in recap. I talked with senior leaders of my company. I shared my customer experience story with the region. I helped a young Marine gain a new career.
I feel like today was a good day.
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